From “should” to “could”
The ‘should’s that we carry
The “shoulds” that we carry in our life sometimes fill us with a sense of obligation, duty and heaviness. It’s good to recognise what we are telling ourselves
“I should eat at least five a day”
“I should go to the gym three times a week”
“I should … for the kids every day”
And work out whether we need to free ourselves from some outdated thinking. Often the past speaks to us through the language of “Should”.
Choosing to use the word ‘could’ instead
Instead, why not consider your options, by choosing to use the word “could”
“I could eat at least five a day”
“I could go to the gym three times a week”
“I could… for the kids every day”
See how it opens up more possibilities – without imposing a heaviness of expectation on you.
Try this with two or three “shoulds” that you are carrying right now.
Thinking about your roles, as a family member, or as a leader, consider the following options.
Why not decide to do something differently next time you notice the heaviness of the “should” starting to show up. Change them to “coulds” and, using your journal or a talking partner (maybe on one of your rambles), reflect on what happened as a result.
What ‘“Shoulds” are you carrying?
What “Could” you do instead?
Eg. “ I should keep so-and-so happy”
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As a parent /
family member
Eg. “I could refrain from being the one who always clears up, or puts things right”
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Eg. “I could ask more questions before deciding” or “I could state what I need rather than always be under pressure”
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As a leader
Eg. “I should have the answer” or “I should be in control at all times”
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